favourite thing to do

smoke and die young

Lou....

you've been away from me for far too long. i miss you! i want you back!
yes i lost my lou due to my own stupidity to trust that jackass that stole her.
a part of my life went away with her. really.
and the police couldn't give a fuck.
fuck you jackass who stole my lou away from me. you cheapo.
no other iPod can take over you but if i can never find you i have to get a new one.
i hope who did this to you will rot in hell or die in his sleep.

life is just not complete anymore.

waiting in & out

i miss taking street shots.
what i did while i was in the bus waiting to reach my destination,
and waiting for the next bus to go home.
i like the second pic most, i don't know why but i feel something.
do you?

you can always click on the photos for larger view

false alarm

it feels so horrible to know that you're wrong,
something you thought you were right about,
especially after being right for so many times.
make sense, no?
for the first time, i was wrong.
my intuition lied to me.

i saw it coming my way,
it was around the corner,
but i had to blink,
and it turned it's back on me,
it was a false alarm.

hopes are violent. i never want to have them again.

i don't want to fall in love nor be interested again.
i want to be numb. i don't want to feel anything.

changes became constant

i can stay constant....
but i get bored of things far too easily.

maybe there are certain situations that i can stay constant in and there are that i can't.
i can't define the "situations".

whatever the situations are, i still get bored of constant.
"so what makes me think i can handle constant situations, silly?"
but someday things have to change,
i can't always get bored of constant -- i must not.

seriously my uncertainties in life are pretty much dragging my life down to hell.
not that i'm not certain bout what i want in life, i know very well what i want.
it's my uncertainty in whether to stay constant or not that kills,
i stay constant, i get bored and upset.
i keep on moving, i left no memories behind.
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truth is -- i'm afraid of the constants.
i keep moving to avoid everything.
everything that i'm afraid of.

but now i'm tired of moving in such vigorous speed,
that whilst losing my fear i lose myself too.
i want to slow down, stay constant for a bit and gain back me.
it shouldn't be too hard, i like slow pace
as slow as the waves get back into the sand, the sea.

i can stay in for weeks, reading, not changing a thing but enlightenment.
by not changing a thing i will still be me
......just the enlightened version.

sombre nights....

that kept me sane and human today.

a new year

... with same old shit.

P. R. E. T. E. N. D. E. R. S